Tear Drops On My Sewing Machine

by This is Carrie on March 29, 2012

I’ll never forget the moment I found out about the tragic death of my girlfriend, Erin’s, little boy.  There was an overwhelming sense of helplessness as I scrambled to figure out how to ease her pain as well as manage my own.

While it may have been the most emotionally challenging sewing project I’ve ever taken on, I am so glad she asked me to work on her baby’s burial outfit, turning it from a size 2T to a size 15m.  For a “mama’s touch,” I asked her to write down his name so I could embroidered it in her handwriting on his little pant leg.  I wish I could say that with every stitch, my heart started mending, but I can’t. It just broke even more. No mama should ever have to lose her baby.

While I still scramble to lighten the load of this loss, it is Erin and her family who have taught me how.  Their faith and courage during this nightmare has been inspiring to everyone around them.

At the funeral, James’ grandmother shared a beautiful poem that Erin wrote years ago.  With her permission, I want to share it with you. The passing of Sweet Baby James has changed me for the better and I hope for the long run.  There will always be a list, just make sure the most important things are at the top.

The List

by Erin Hamilton Mason

There’s a list on my table
of things to be done,
there is laundry to fold,
and errands to run,
a letter of thanks
I’ve been meaning to write,
a stack of old papers
to put out of sight,
there is dinner to plan,
I should get to the store,
but I still haven’t showered,
and it’s almost four,
the weeds must be picked,
the furniture dusted,
the vacuuming done,
the sprinklers adjusted,
the dishes are piling
quite high in the sink,
and the printer for days
has been flashing “low ink”,
the car is on empty,
the milk’s almost gone,
the light I just changed
in the hall won’t turn on,
there are phone calls to make,
there are bills still to pay,
my body is willing,
and yet kept at bay
by the sweet little angel,
his face softly glowing,
who dreams in my arms,
without even knowing
the peace that he brings me,
how heaven draws near,
and things of eternity
all become clear:
that I am a mother,
my calling divine,
of highest importance
in the grand design,
and though obligations
and chores can’t be missed,
holding my baby
is first on my list.

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